The Big Curry Hunt

I asked a friend who is a big curry lover what his favourite pick was in and around the Covent Garden area.  He told me that “the curry house with the big green awning on Great Queen Street” was a winner.  Great Queen Street is an area I haven’t explored in too much depth but is a mini Mecca where curry houses are concerned.  Four to choose from in a small stretch.  One looks way up its own arse, and that’s just from a quick peek at the menu and through the window.  The other three all looked good although the curry house I was recommended had the worst name.

Tandoori Nights sounds like a shitty film from 80′s Bollywood.  I’m not particularly qualified to comment on the quality of Bollywood movies from any age but the name evokes an Indian Tom Cruise clone with the biggest bouffant hairstyle ever recorded.  His shirt open and sweat glistening from his intensely hairy chest while he holds a scantily clad, swooning Indian beauty with one arm and fighting off a brace of tigers with the other.

As soon as you enter the curry house, a long dining room stretches away from you and a small but well stocked bar sits just inside the entrance with a diligent looking barman in a crisp white shirt, waistcoat and bow tie, polishing glasses as if his life depended on it.  I smiled approvingly and sat down.  Our table had one leg shorter than the other three and wobbled annoyingly and the menu was written for the layman and I don’t understand why.  Many dishes were named not by their Indian name but described in the equivalent English.  We  know about our curries on this island.  The average man on the street could instantly tell you the difference between a Brinjal Bhaji and a Methi Murgh.  The simplification simply isn’t necessary and is certainly unwelcome.

Ratings

Poppadoms and Pickles – The poppadoms were presented to us within 2 minutes of asking for them.  I was surprised to find them warm, fresh and crisp.  Very nice.  Unfortunately, only three pickles were offered and it was a  real shame when the one missing was the mixed pickle.  My favourite.  The minty raita was insipid yet that is relatively commonplace.  The mango chutney was overly sweet yet tasty and the onion salad was as good as an onion salad could be.  You’re not exactly going to write home about it but I couldn’t find fault.

Beers – Cobra 660ml.  As cold as they should be served.  This is the simplest of all my criteria to fulfil and subsequently the one that drops the most points if not present.  No worries here though.

Sides – The potato and spinach bhaji (Sag Aloo for every single other person in this country who has ever been to a curry house.  Everyone then) was decent enough.  Soft potato with enough spinach and spices to hold your interest.

Curries – When there is nothing new on a menu in front of me, I will always fall back onto the ever faithful Madras.  It was almost perfect here.  The lamb was well cooked and the sauce was deep and rich with enough heat to make itself known without masking everything else.  Very good.

Vindictiveness of Waiters – I don’t like to judge this on a single visit.  All I can say is that I ordered a semi hot curry and got one.  All looks good so far though.

Face Towels – My second curry house in a week without face towels.  I’m not fucking happy.  This restaurant had very little Indian styling, a menu that was written for idiotic foreigners and NO FUCKING FACE TOWELS.  A message to the proprietor of Tandoori Nights (and I will send this review to him/her) : I would kindly point out that many dishes on your ridiculously dumbed down menu are packed with chilli powder.  It is July.  I eat a hot curry in July and there will be some perspiration at some point.  I saw maybe 30 seats in your curry house.  That means the small purchase of 30 face towels would not only not dent your pocket, it would leave your punters leaving feeling refreshed and calm having been part of a near perfect experience.  Your laziness here is noted.

Complimentary Chocolate With the Bill – After the face towel fiasco, I was keen to see if they could repair some of my despondency with something special here.  A warm after eight mint on a plate.  I purposefully put mine in my mouth, chewed it once and then placed it back on the plate.  A protest.

Final Score – 7 out of 10.  Tandoori Nights is a good restaurant.  The food is way above average which of course is the most important thing but it would be ridiculously easy to get that score up to at least 8.5.  I find that the most annoying thing.  Utterly infuriating.

One Sentence Summary – This is the perfect curry house for take away.